This was really beautiful. It was quite refreshing to hear a perspective of someone who grew up in that feels like an opposite side of the same coin.
I am from India also raised Hindu, grew up in India very much 'belonging' in the society and currently living in the 'West'. Left my country to seek the 'independence' and 'freedom from expectations/ duty'. Stopped praying and empowered myself with the values of the 'West'. Part of me feels entitled to this 'selfishness' as I had felt so suppressed in my home country for years by familial, cultural, societal and religious norms and expectations. Yet part of me recognises that I am definitely on my way to lose something (or have already) if I don't do something about it. It feels really difficult to manage these two paradoxes - duty and independence. Control and freedom. Closeness and space. And I feel so far I am at the first few seconds of pendulum. Swinging from one end to another. But hopefully I soon learn how to balance these ends before I lose something priceless.
It is really difficult to close this gap. To communicate and adjust and manage while also holding on to your agency. As its so subjective and there is no blueprint for it. But thank you very much for writing this, and for showing your perspective on what it feels like to come from the other side. I will be coming back to this write up again and again.
Thank you for writing this highly eloquent and meaningful personal essay Maia. It resonated with and moved me quite deeply especially with the lovely memories and connection you share with your Nani, and empathetic reflection on devotion and forgiveness. I really admire your rich appreciation for your Nani and family’s history as well as pride in their solidarity and perseverance. I also really respect the insight into Guyana, Hindu rituals and how the ripple effects of your Nani’s story across generations. Indeed I hope someone does write a book about her someday.
I wrestle with those sentiments in my own way seeing how secular and worldly my siblings, myself and cousins have become in comparison to the piety and observance I see in my mother’s and older relatives' traditionalist Catholic faith and upbringing. My parents are Hispanic immigrants, I frequently reflect upon my elusive relationship to my own heritage growing up working-class in a first-world country. As I grow up and become increasingly independent, I do feel that sense of melancholy in that creeping detachment and ambivalence toward the roots and traditions of my family’s elders. My grandmother passed away earlier this year, and my other grandparents have passed away in years past. At the wake for my grandma, I felt reminded of the enduring familial love and esteem I have for my clan and the communal bond we share that transcends whatever disinvestment or ambivalence I may have in our faith traditions or cultural identity. I choose to acknowledge the beauty in my mother’s family’s piety, even if I can’t participate in it the same way. I do my best to express daily gratitude and grace towards my mother and family members, being mindful of their humble past and the struggles they carry for us.
Thanks again for choosing to share your beautiful introspection with us.
This was such an emotional read for me. My grandmother comes from a Goan family who immigrated to Tanzania, then Canada, it’s really interesting to see the parallels between their stories. Beautifully written.
This was a very impactful read ... having lost my own nani 2 years ago and being from a similarly Hindu family, I deeply relate to your experiences. Thank you so much! for sharing this and for helping me better understand my own experience
Your Nani -- whatever powers that be bless her soul -- sounds like an incredible person. Too often, it's not easy to turn the other cheek, to forgive those who have wronged you. And one may wonder what's even the point of doing it when you gain seemingly nothing from it.
Well, in the case of your Nani, not only did she have an impact on everyone else around her, but even an account of her life is enough to move complete strangers, present company included. That's more than most if I'm being honest.
As for your current cultural conflicts, I dunno about the answer, but the nice thing about the modern world is that you can pick the person you want to be, or at least, that's what I tell myself. Guess what I'm getting at is that you don't have to completely swing to one side -- you can always combine your modern values with your traditional values. Pretty basic advice I know, but hey, it's worked for people. Plus it's a nice way to be connected with your Nani.
Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope we'll hear more from you in the future.
This was really beautiful. It was quite refreshing to hear a perspective of someone who grew up in that feels like an opposite side of the same coin.
I am from India also raised Hindu, grew up in India very much 'belonging' in the society and currently living in the 'West'. Left my country to seek the 'independence' and 'freedom from expectations/ duty'. Stopped praying and empowered myself with the values of the 'West'. Part of me feels entitled to this 'selfishness' as I had felt so suppressed in my home country for years by familial, cultural, societal and religious norms and expectations. Yet part of me recognises that I am definitely on my way to lose something (or have already) if I don't do something about it. It feels really difficult to manage these two paradoxes - duty and independence. Control and freedom. Closeness and space. And I feel so far I am at the first few seconds of pendulum. Swinging from one end to another. But hopefully I soon learn how to balance these ends before I lose something priceless.
It is really difficult to close this gap. To communicate and adjust and manage while also holding on to your agency. As its so subjective and there is no blueprint for it. But thank you very much for writing this, and for showing your perspective on what it feels like to come from the other side. I will be coming back to this write up again and again.
Thank you for writing this highly eloquent and meaningful personal essay Maia. It resonated with and moved me quite deeply especially with the lovely memories and connection you share with your Nani, and empathetic reflection on devotion and forgiveness. I really admire your rich appreciation for your Nani and family’s history as well as pride in their solidarity and perseverance. I also really respect the insight into Guyana, Hindu rituals and how the ripple effects of your Nani’s story across generations. Indeed I hope someone does write a book about her someday.
I wrestle with those sentiments in my own way seeing how secular and worldly my siblings, myself and cousins have become in comparison to the piety and observance I see in my mother’s and older relatives' traditionalist Catholic faith and upbringing. My parents are Hispanic immigrants, I frequently reflect upon my elusive relationship to my own heritage growing up working-class in a first-world country. As I grow up and become increasingly independent, I do feel that sense of melancholy in that creeping detachment and ambivalence toward the roots and traditions of my family’s elders. My grandmother passed away earlier this year, and my other grandparents have passed away in years past. At the wake for my grandma, I felt reminded of the enduring familial love and esteem I have for my clan and the communal bond we share that transcends whatever disinvestment or ambivalence I may have in our faith traditions or cultural identity. I choose to acknowledge the beauty in my mother’s family’s piety, even if I can’t participate in it the same way. I do my best to express daily gratitude and grace towards my mother and family members, being mindful of their humble past and the struggles they carry for us.
Thanks again for choosing to share your beautiful introspection with us.
This was such an emotional read for me. My grandmother comes from a Goan family who immigrated to Tanzania, then Canada, it’s really interesting to see the parallels between their stories. Beautifully written.
This was a very impactful read ... having lost my own nani 2 years ago and being from a similarly Hindu family, I deeply relate to your experiences. Thank you so much! for sharing this and for helping me better understand my own experience
actual chills reading this. so much to reflect on...thanks for writing this piece maia!
As a Guyanese-Canadian, this means so much to me…
Acts 16:31, 1 Corinthians 15:1-8, 1 Peter 1:17-21, Revelation 22:18-19
This was a pretty good read.
Your Nani -- whatever powers that be bless her soul -- sounds like an incredible person. Too often, it's not easy to turn the other cheek, to forgive those who have wronged you. And one may wonder what's even the point of doing it when you gain seemingly nothing from it.
Well, in the case of your Nani, not only did she have an impact on everyone else around her, but even an account of her life is enough to move complete strangers, present company included. That's more than most if I'm being honest.
As for your current cultural conflicts, I dunno about the answer, but the nice thing about the modern world is that you can pick the person you want to be, or at least, that's what I tell myself. Guess what I'm getting at is that you don't have to completely swing to one side -- you can always combine your modern values with your traditional values. Pretty basic advice I know, but hey, it's worked for people. Plus it's a nice way to be connected with your Nani.
Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope we'll hear more from you in the future.